Marriage First Aid

This Marriage Problems First Aid Kit contains extensive help for your marriage problems even before coming for marriage counseling.  You can read Dr. Kaye’s advice  given to hundreds of  site visitors who have asked questions about their marriage problems.  Read all the chapters from Dr. Kaye’s book which details many interventions that you can perform yourself.  You can also print out a “due diligence” responsibility list to evaluate how diligently you and your partner are promoting and protecting each other’s emotions in the relationship.

Marriage Problems First Aid Kit to help your relationship

The following chapters will give you some ideas about how to solve your marriage problems:




A few words about why and how this books was written.

Chapter 1 – The Great No-No

This chapter illustrates how our own fear of shame is the greatest obstacle we have to face if we want to avoid marriage problems.

Chapter 2 – The Structure of Vital Relationships

Love based relationships do not have as much stability or resilience as do integrity based relationships. Ths chapter marriage counseling retreatdescribes the strong foundation of a relationship that can stand the test of time.

Chapter 3 – Balance and Paradox

A vital relationship needs to be dynamic and not static. Opposing needs and emotional states must be kept balanced over time. This chapter unravels the paradox.

Chapter 4 – Nurturing Healthy Attachment

Relationships must be fed. It’s not enough to just feel. This chapter explains the fundamentals about how attachment needs can be effectively met.                                              (Purchase the book here)

Chapter 5 – Love’s Hidden Assassin

A very common relationship killer operates far below our awareness. It leads to the numbing loss of attraction and affection underlying many marriage problems..

Chapter 6 – The Other Usual Suspects

This chapter outlines the other most common relationship killers.

Chapter 7 – Freeing and Strengthening Your Hedonic Self

If you’re starting to numb out and lose attraction, this chapter suggests what you do to start resuscitating the part of yourself that’s going dormant.

Chapter 8 – Defending Autonomy

This chapter gives you tools to ward off covert inhibition that might otherwise strangle your affection.

Chapter 9 – Managing Conflict

This chapter describes various forms of constructive and destructive conflict. Tools for appropriate management are provided.

Chapter 10 – Sharing Power and Responsibility

This chapter contains helpful tools for negotiating chores, structuring finances, and dealing with in-laws.

Chapter 11 – Great Sex

This chapter describes elements that foster great sex as well as some guidelines on how to get there.

Chapter 12 – Mapping Your Strategy

This chapter discusses how to strategize and plan how to tackle marriage problems.

Chapter 13 – Conclusion

Addendum: Message to a Daughter



Here is some of Dr. Kaye’s advice to visitors who have asked about various marriage problems.   Click on the topic below that corresponds to your interest: 


Principles For Promoting Relationship Welfare –  A list of principles that will help your relationship if you can keep them in mind.


Principled Autonomy Shift Training – Instructions on how to train your brain to be less vulnerable for facing conflict and disapproval.


Relationship Due Diligence List (PDF)

Print out this list of responsibilities that protect and promote a happy relationship. You can then evaluate how disciplined you are. A failure in a specific responsibility may indicate where you are experiencing emotional dysregulation of that discipline.